It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've posted anything, sorry. I trust that you have been waiting with bated breath (yes, that's spelled correctly. "Bated" is short for abated, meaning lessened or depressed. See also Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice.) for any news from me. Well, I'm back, and I apologize for my blog negligence while you have been slipping slowly into a state of severe respiratory distress- that would be less than 12 respirations per minute, just in case you were wondering. 

So, I'm back, but what for? Yes, I do have an exam tomorrow, which makes blogging so appealing at the present time, but also, I've missed it. I suppose my hiatus is due in part to my sister's similar absence from serious blogging -and my world entire. Clearly, I have some abandonment issues, but she has returned from her icy retreat, and I feel inspired again. 

Nursing school is ridiculous. 

I often wonder why I invest so much of my time and energy into something I feel I will not be doing forever. These thoughts last for some while until reality sets in. In truth, I do not spend that much time studying or doing work for my nursing classes. My schedule is demanding, but I refuse to let nursing school dictate my life, as many warned it would. 

I am not really that talented. I don't play any sports, and I can't sing or dance particularly well. School is what I am good at. In high school, and for my first two years of college, I lived to make As. Now, I must admit that it's been a while since I saw an A. I don't really remember what that was like. 96. 92. Nope. 77.5. 72. Those are numbers I am much more familiar with. Gross, I know. But if I could grade my overall life-satisfaction, I would have to say I'm living an A minus right now. That's pretty good. I am not used to living an A minus life. It's a little terrifying for me. I like it. 

How could I possibly be living an A minus while barely scraping by in school? I've realized that life is short. I am beautiful. Human beings, we are beautiful. We are constantly cramming ourselves into these boxes, "nursing student", "geologist", "doctor", "banker", blah, blah, blah. The list goes on. It's terrible.

We ask, "What do you want to be when you grow up?", not, "Who do you want to be when you grow up? Even worse, we do not even realize the great chasm that lies between the two. I don't want to grow up to be a thing. I want to grow up to be a who. What's more, I want to be a who now. I don't want to wait until some magical age to become a someone. I don't want a piece of paper, silly hat, tassel, and gown to be my ticket to start living. 

Perhaps I am talking nonsense, but I cannot believe that I have even seen a sliver of the life I will lead, a tiny glimpse at the greatness I am called to.

Yeah, I may not make an A on my test tomorrow, but today I've breathed deep from the air of life. It fills my lungs and tells of more than exams, papers, lectures, and grade point averages. I want to always be so full of life, and endlessly spill it over on everyone I meet. I don't want to simply exist in this world. I want to be the kind of human being that breathes life into every other human being I meet. That is my deepest prayer.