Australia

At the end of Spring Break things started winding down for me. I think it was all crazy enough at the beginning, so I'm not complaining. My mom (who I am now affectionately calling Momelette, like an omelette only without the extreme post egg-eating gas), Allison, Cassie, and I decided to go rent a movie after visiting my Grandpa in the hospital.

It always seems to happen that we see all these great previews and get fired up about all these fabulous films in the theater. However, the movies are expensive and public, and we are cheap and obnoxious. These things do not mix well; it is a dangerous cocktail. So, cheapness and obnoxiousness taken into consideration, we always say something like this when we see a trailer for a movie that looks enticing, "Oh! That looks so good. I can't wait until that comes out on VHS/DVD." Eventually, time passes, like it likes to do nowadays, and the much-desired movies leave the box office, and come to the humble racks of our local Hastings. However, something strange happens there. With no flashing trailers, and only a small plastic box to guide us, each one of those movies suddenly becomes indistinguishible from the likes of The Adventures of Food Boy and Alice Upside Down. Note: these movies both star the talented and handsome Lucas Grabeel from High School Musical 1-3. One of them has a plastic box with a shirtless Grabeel and the other just happens to be about a kid who starts a perpetual food fight. Tempting.

Needless to say, the one recognizable film we saw, and also the one we ended up renting, was Australia starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman. You'd think, this woman was in Moulin Rouge and probably got some rodeoin' lessons from her hubby Keith Urban, and Hugh Jackmann, he's freakin Wolverine; how could you lose? They are both authentic Australians. It's in their blood. This movie has to be good! Well, think again.

Let me elaborate:
Old Western meets August Rush meets Pearl Harbor going "Outback tonight".
Qantas airlines meets "this town ain't big enough for the both of us" meets Heart of Darkness all on acid.

Yes, there is the occasional shirtless scene for Jackman, but it all seems a little forced. Within the first few minutes of the movie we meet "Drover" who, baring tanned chest in all it's hairy wonder, douses himself with water after a hard day's roundup. Seriously? Sort of a forced Jennifer Beals moment is not enough to make a movie. Though, perhaps if there had been more back-arching it would have worked...

Additionally, we all thought the movie was over after the first hour and some. Australia played too much with my emotions. Books, movies, stories all have the same general plot pattern. This one seemed to be following that until what we thought was the movie's ending turned out to be simply a brief moment of false security.

The shots and lighting were a bit cheesy to say the least. Truly, though, all confusion for me was cleared up in the credits when I saw two words: Baz Luhrmann. To the untrained eye, this just means "Director", but to me, the movie expert (ha), this meant I was completely reasonable in thinking the movie was slightly bizarre and entirely trippy.

The first time I encountered Luhrmann's work was in 2001. I walked out of the movie theatre completely confused and fairly disturbed after watching the first thirty minutes of a movie I now love and truly enjoy: Moulin Rouge. Perhaps it was my youth, or maybe I just needed time to get used to the freakiness, but I thought I would never like that movie.

Perhaps Australia will be the same for me. Somehow I highly doubt it. Right now, for me, it's still Vegemite meets 8 Seconds meets...ah I don't know.