Valentine's Day (the movie, not a critique on the holiday but a critique nonetheless)

So, the other night dear Prudence, Allison, and I went to the movies. We decided to see the star-packed film Valentine's Day. What an interesting movie it turned out to be!

I am not kidding or exaggerating when I say the film was star-packed. Please consider the following facts (in alphabetical order): Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane (McSteamy from Grey's), Patrick Dempsey (McDreamy from Grey's), Hector Elizondo, Jamie Foxx (who plays a character named Kelvin, yes, Kelvin), Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine, Emma Roberts, Julia Robert, and Taylor Swift.

Seriously, this movie was a bit Twilight meets Seventh Heaven meets a mexican version of Dreamgirls meets the entire cast of Grey's only to get Punk'd. Note: if you understood any or all of those references you are clearly a freak and watch too much television and far too many movies.

With a cast that large there are bound to be a million connections between the actors. Let's just say, Valentine's Day did not disappoint. Dane and Dempsey are in Grey's Anatomy together. Roberts and Roberts are related. Grace and Kutcher were in That 70's Show together. Cooper appeared in 46 of the 105 episodes of ABC's Alias with Garner. The two Taylors were dating in real life at some point, probably because of their obnoxious high school make-out scenes in the film. It's all really kind of sick.

Something I wish I had seen before I saw the film was this comment on IMDb:

If you loved 'Love Actually' do NOT see Valentine's Day.

May it also be noted that the reviewer who posted that comment also described the cast as, "stars and starlets." haha. IMDb users rated the film a 5.7 out of 10. I'm all for being generous, but 5.7 might be pushing it a bit.

I mean, to be fair, it wasn't the worst movie I have ever seen, but it just wasn't great. I did really enjoy the company and the break from my usual weekly routine, oh yeah, and the popcorn, but the movie itself was really disappointing.

A lot of the romances in the movie seem really forced or just plain awkward. I think one of the consequences of having so many characters and "plots" is the lack of real character and plot development. I mean, I fall for characters in movies really easily, but I think afterwards I realized I hadn't really been given a lot to connect to. So perhaps for someone less movie-promiscuous the film would have left much to be desired.

Speaking of promiscuous and awkward, this movie talked a lot about sex. There wasn't a whole lot of actually having sex, but it certainly was talked about a lot. One teenage couple in the movie even plans their "first time" for their high school lunch break on VD. And while we're abbrev'ing things, let's mention an interesting fact. VD stands for both Valentine's Day and Venereal Disease (haha). Coincidence? I think not.

There were funny moments in Valentine's Day, I will admit. The characters seemed to constantly be making references to their lives as actors. For example, Taylor Lautner, who plays this character in Twilight, says, when prompted by his airhead girlfriend to put on his valentine's day present, that he feels uncomfortable taking his shirt of in public. That was pretty funny. Taylor Swift's character practically quotes her "I'm not the cheerleader type" songs every other minute in the movie.

Some interesting things were a good-guy/bad-guy role reversals. Patrick Dempsey, who nearly always plays the good-guy, was just the opposite. Now, on the other hand, Bradley Cooper, who has played the bad-guy in countless films, is perfectly charming and downright chivalrous, but still manages to break my heart a little bit. Ashton Kutcher's character is completely sweet--a hopeless romantic who happens to be a plant lover.

Overall, the film was not that great. It's probably worth seeing (on DVD) just to watch the train wreck of stars. In contrast, the time I spent with my girls, Prudence and Allison, was awesome. Oh, yeah, and don't forget, the popcorn...